1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:05,120 This programme contains some strong language. 2 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,440 - You all right? - Yeah. 3 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:15,120 - I'm just looking at how fat all these women have got. - Nice. 4 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:18,080 TABLE SQUEAKS 5 00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:21,680 - It's wobbly, isn't it? - Yeah. 6 00:00:21,680 --> 00:00:24,120 I'm worried it's going to break. 7 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:30,560 - I can't believe you're 60. - Oh, I know, I know. 8 00:00:30,560 --> 00:00:33,000 If I met you for the first time I'd be like, 9 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,560 "That woman is no older than 58." 10 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:37,960 - Thanks, love. - That's all right. 11 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:44,520 No, it does feel strange, though. Seems like only yesterday I was 18. 12 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:45,600 Yeah. 13 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,400 It wasn't only yesterday, though, was it, Cathy? 14 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,240 No. 15 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,920 It was 42 years ago. 16 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:01,320 - Do you want to get off that table, love? - Erm... 17 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:03,400 No, I'm good, thanks. 18 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:15,480 So what age is it when you get the old lady smell? 19 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:22,200 - What was that? - Erm... 20 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:27,840 - Doesn't matter. - It's funny turning 60. 21 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:29,920 - Yeah? - Yeah. 22 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:32,280 I was saying to someone the other day. 23 00:01:32,280 --> 00:01:34,320 Someone was being really annoying 24 00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:37,000 and asking me loads of questions about my birthday. 25 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,240 It was one of those people 26 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,640 that always manages to say the wrong thing and you've just got to try 27 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:44,840 and find a way of biting your tongue. 28 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,200 Oh, yes! It was, um... 29 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:51,320 - No-one. - No, go on, who was it? 30 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,800 No, it was no-one, Kelly, honestly. 31 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:03,280 - You all right, love? - Yeah. 32 00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:05,800 I've got, like, eight WhatsApps I need to reply to 33 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:08,800 - and it's sort of getting me down. - Oh, dear. - Mm. 34 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,880 Why don't you just reply to them? 35 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,760 When? 36 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:14,280 I'm so busy. 37 00:02:15,880 --> 00:02:18,280 What time's the carvery booked for? 38 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:20,240 2.30. 39 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:24,360 Your nan and grandad are picking us up around 2.00, so... 40 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,200 Oh, wow! 41 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,520 Kelly did it. 42 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:31,960 - Kel! - Coming! 43 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,040 No way! 44 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:38,800 - Kelly, I'm showing Mum the banner! - I'm coming! 45 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,480 - She's enormous. - Kel, I'm showing Mum the banner! 46 00:02:42,480 --> 00:02:44,120 I'm coming! 47 00:02:45,920 --> 00:02:48,040 Kelly, I got the banner out! 48 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,680 Kelly! 49 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:59,480 I'm not being annoying, babe, I'm showing my mum the banner! 50 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:01,240 If I say I'm coming... 51 00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,040 Kelly! 52 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:09,360 ..it means I'm coming. 53 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:11,800 - She loves it. - Really? 54 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:15,440 Yeah, it's amazing, Kelly. Thank you. 55 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:19,360 I did a big number 60 so everyone could see how old you are. 56 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,440 Great. 57 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,400 And that's, uh...? 58 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,040 - Skull and crossbones. Yeah. - Yeah. 59 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:29,040 I was trying to capture a sense of the passing of time. 60 00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:31,880 Well, it's definitely done that. 61 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:33,440 Shall we put it in the kitchen? 62 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,760 I don't want the whole street knowing how old I am. 63 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:40,440 What? 64 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:43,760 THEY LAUGH 65 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:45,160 What? 66 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:51,720 - I knew something was going on. - Here she is, big sis! 67 00:03:51,720 --> 00:03:53,760 - Happy birthday! - Thank you. 68 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:56,440 - I thought we were going to see you down the pub? - There's more to me 69 00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:58,680 - than meets the eye. - There really isn't. 70 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:02,000 71 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,960 ? Two bottle whisky for the way... ? 72 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:08,040 You rotten lot! 73 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,240 Here. 74 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:12,720 75 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,840 - - When I'm gone 76 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,160 - - When I'm gone 77 00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:20,120 78 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:21,960 79 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:24,560 80 00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:27,680 81 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:33,320 82 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,280 83 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:38,400 84 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,720 85 00:04:40,720 --> 00:04:44,760 86 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,800 - - When I'm gone 87 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,200 - - When I'm gone 88 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:52,320 ? You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. ? 89 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:02,520 - You all right? - Yes, Cathy, I'm all right. 90 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,760 - Derek said you were playing badminton. - Indeed. 91 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:09,560 I was supposed to be playing with Rosalind Hampton-Jones. 92 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:15,000 Her husband's Sir Nicholas Hampton-Jones. 93 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,360 Oh, yes, I think you've mentioned them before. 94 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,160 - Her nephew was at primary school with Kate Middleton. - That's it. 95 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:26,120 But apparently, when she was four, 96 00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,480 Middleton was thick as shit. 97 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,280 She pissed herself on a swing, she couldn't ride a bike 98 00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:34,400 and her spelling was a fucking car crash. 99 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:38,200 - Well, it hasn't held her back, has it? - Hmm. 100 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,280 Oh, you didn't need to bring any cake, I've made one. 101 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:42,760 Yes, I thought you might. 102 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,920 - Good carvery, is it? - Oh, yeah, it's amazing. 103 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:50,200 - What kind of potatoes? - Boiled, roasted, mash. 104 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:54,360 - Yeah. - Oh, fantastic - I love potatoes. - Yeah? 105 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:57,840 I often think I could give it all up and sell the business, 106 00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:01,040 move to Ireland and start a potato farm. 107 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:04,120 Ho-ho, I'll be in my element. 108 00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:13,160 Hello? 109 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:16,760 Anyone? 110 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:39,200 - What is it we're going for? - Carvery. - Carvery, yes. 111 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,200 You'll have to help me a little, Cathy, I've never been to a, uh... 112 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:43,800 - Carvery. - Carvery, yes. 113 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:45,520 Well, you've got a treat in store. 114 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:48,120 It's like a big roast dinner but with four different meats. 115 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,600 Four different meats? How sophisticated. 116 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,160 And do the waiters carve at the table, or...? 117 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:55,920 No, there's no waiters, you just queue. 118 00:06:55,920 --> 00:06:58,920 - In a restaurant? - Well, it's more like a pub, really. 119 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:03,240 You help yourself to veg, there's three types of potato, 120 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,960 - and for dessert we get ice cream because it's all-you-can-eat. - Sorry. 121 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,000 No. 122 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:11,840 OK, this is, uh... 123 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:14,040 Derek? 124 00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,720 - I hear we're going for a carvery. - Yeah. 125 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:19,520 There's four different meats and three types of potato, 126 00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,960 but you can go through the vegetable bit as often as you like. 127 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,000 I'm just going to, erm... 128 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,920 Three types of potato! 129 00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,680 Are you out of your fucking mind? 130 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,360 Roasted, boiled, dauphinoise... 131 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:34,200 Come on, Pauline. 132 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,520 Dauphinoise? 133 00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,160 - Seeing a flat on Thursday. - Oh, great, love. 134 00:07:45,160 --> 00:07:48,680 Yeah. It's only down the road so we can still come here for our dinner. 135 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,920 Good. 136 00:07:50,920 --> 00:07:52,640 Michael's just pulled up. 137 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:55,280 - Oh, has he? - Yeah. 138 00:07:55,280 --> 00:08:00,000 - You know Debbie, Kelly's cousin? - Yeah. - Goes out with Ryan? 139 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:03,760 - Black hair. - Yeah, I know who she is, love. - Yeah, she was saying that, 140 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:07,840 like, Michael's got a bit of a thing for you. 141 00:08:07,840 --> 00:08:09,960 LAUGHING: Yeah? 142 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,920 And I was like, "He wishes! 143 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,120 "Like Mum would ever go near him!" 144 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,640 Cathy? Michael's here. 145 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,920 She knows, babe, I told her. 146 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,000 Babe? Can you tell your mum Michael's here? 147 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,040 She knows, babe, I told her. 148 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,800 LOUD POP, HE SHRIEKS 149 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,440 Jesus Christ! 150 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,360 HE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY 151 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:47,800 - Hello? - Hello, Michael, mate. New shirt? 152 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,280 Yeah. 153 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,160 - You OK? - Yeah, good, actually, yeah. 154 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:55,360 - I cut my toenails this morning. - Ah, great. 155 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:57,480 Yeah, got a lot more room in my socks. 156 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,640 - Good feeling. - One of the best, mate. One of the best. 157 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:03,680 - Hello, Michael. - Hi. 158 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,160 - I like your shirt. - Thanks. 159 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:10,680 - You had a nice morning? - Yeah. 160 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:14,800 - Er...my mum's having problems with her gutters again. - Oh. 161 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,480 So, er, yeah, I cleaned out the hopper, 162 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:21,120 fitted a new stop end, replaced some of the brackets 163 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:23,920 that are coming away and then cleaned out the downpipes. 164 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:27,120 There was a lot of leaves and muck and stuff, 165 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,080 but good to get it all out. 166 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:31,400 Hm. 167 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,920 Do you want to have a look at how fat all these women have got? 168 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:38,720 Maybe later? 169 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:42,880 Can I go now? 170 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:44,720 - Yeah. - Thanks. 171 00:09:46,680 --> 00:09:48,720 We haven't done our scratchcards, babe. 172 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:51,600 Oh, I forgot about the scratchcards! 173 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:55,280 Scratchcards? I am really good at scratchcards. 174 00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:00,280 INDISTINCT CHATTER IN LIVING ROOM 175 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,160 - Happy birthday. - Oh, hello. 176 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,360 New shirt? 177 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:14,280 - Yeah. - Straight out of the packet? 178 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,920 - Of course. - Classy. 179 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,360 Do my best. 180 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:21,160 Guess what I've made. 181 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:24,840 - Oh, no. - Victoria sponge. - Don't make me eat it. 182 00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:27,120 I was going to make a great big chocolate one 183 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,000 but I couldn't be arsed. 184 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:33,240 Take your time. 185 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:35,680 No need to rush, you've got all the time in the world. 186 00:10:43,680 --> 00:10:45,240 Think positively. 187 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,760 You've got to think nice things to get nice things. 188 00:10:47,760 --> 00:10:49,440 That's how I got Pauline. 189 00:10:58,080 --> 00:10:59,160 You? 190 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,560 No. 191 00:11:02,560 --> 00:11:04,600 No. 192 00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:08,640 Oh, well. Don't worry, buy another one tomorrow. 193 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:12,320 I just thought I'd bring the presents round before we, er... 194 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:15,120 - Oh, thanks, Michael. - You've not seen them yet. 195 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,760 It's just a bottle of beer and a toilet roll. 196 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:19,720 Wouldn't surprise me. 197 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:22,560 Right, well, I'll just use your loo, then. 198 00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:24,120 Er... 199 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,680 You didn't need to know that. 200 00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:29,120 And then I'll go and get all the presents from the car. 201 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:31,280 "All the presents"? 202 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:34,840 - Yeah. - Wow. 203 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,480 - I wouldn't get excited. - No, I'm not. 204 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,560 - I mean, it's you, isn't it? So... - Yeah. Well, I'll, er... 205 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:46,600 - It's quicker that way. - Yeah. - Yeah. 206 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:08,040 Oh, for God's sake. I mean, honestly. Jesus Christ! 207 00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,680 - What've they done to the house? - They've decorated it. 208 00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:15,360 - Why? - Because they're fucking idiots. 209 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,280 All right, Nan, Grandad? 210 00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:20,000 - What's happened to your head? - Nothing, I'm fine. 211 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,280 - I wasn't out for long. - What's that? 212 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:23,600 A banana. 213 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:27,160 What the fuck are you eating one of them for? 214 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:29,320 - Look at that one. - No. 215 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:32,520 - Same person five years later. - No. 216 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,840 What a monster. 217 00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:37,240 What a beast. 218 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,440 I think this one's quite sad, actually, 219 00:12:39,440 --> 00:12:42,720 - cos I think she had a breakdown. - I can't look at that. 220 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:47,000 And that's her...20 years ago. 221 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:53,480 What a big...fat...lazy bitch. 222 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:58,240 - Happy birthday, Cathy. - Thanks, Reg. - How old are you? 223 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:00,280 60. 224 00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,400 - Sorry to hear that. - Thanks! 225 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:05,280 - Happy birthday, Cathy. - Thanks, Maureen. 226 00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:07,600 Give her her present. It's in the bag. 227 00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,960 - Which bag, Nan? - The yellow one. 228 00:13:14,160 --> 00:13:16,040 What happened to your head, Reg? 229 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:18,960 She wants me to see a doctor just because I slipped in the shower 230 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:22,000 and I've had occasional bouts of sickness and memory loss. 231 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,760 And occasional bouts of sickness and memory loss. 232 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,040 HE MUTTERS 233 00:13:29,480 --> 00:13:31,000 TOILET FLUSHES 234 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,600 CATHY: Oh, shit. 235 00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:54,000 INDISTINCT CHATTER DOWNSTAIRS 236 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,840 - REG: - Cathy? We're going to the Toby, are we? 237 00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:00,560 - Yeah, the one in Buckhurst Hill. - Right. 238 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:05,280 So you go left out of the house... 239 00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:07,160 Are you listening?! 240 00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:10,840 - Yes! Bloody hell, I'm just helping Maureen. - Left out of the house. 241 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,480 No need to shout. Blimey, Reg. 242 00:14:12,480 --> 00:14:16,320 - You go down the end of the road, you turn left. - You turn right! 243 00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,840 Oh, don't get involved. 244 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:19,800 You go through Woodford. 245 00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,320 - Woodford?! - Michael, how do we get to the carvery? 246 00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,160 - New shirt? - Yeah. 247 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,760 You should have ironed it. 248 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:31,360 - Yep. - So it's left out of the house, left at the end of the road, 249 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:35,200 - left onto Chingford Lane. - And then right at the roundabout. 250 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:39,160 - Roundabout?! - Left out of the house, left at the end of the road 251 00:14:39,160 --> 00:14:42,040 and right onto Chingford Lane. 252 00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:43,960 My right or your right? 253 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:49,160 - It's just a right. - Yeah, but is it your right or her right or my right? 254 00:14:49,160 --> 00:14:52,160 Well, it's just a right. It's everybody's right. 255 00:14:52,160 --> 00:14:54,280 It's everybody's right to do what? 256 00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:56,160 Do you want to put your phone down, love? 257 00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:59,000 I feel like maybe you're not listening properly. 258 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:03,440 Then instead of going left, 259 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:06,440 you go right towards Highams Park. 260 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:10,120 You stupid bastard. 261 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:12,960 Highams Park! 262 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,480 What? 263 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,800 You silly prick. 264 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:20,200 - You all right, mate? - Yeah. 265 00:15:20,200 --> 00:15:22,720 Just popping out to the car to get some presents for your mum. 266 00:15:22,720 --> 00:15:25,040 That's nice of ya. You know, 267 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:29,520 people take the piss out of ya, but you're a good bloke. 268 00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:31,480 Do they? 269 00:15:31,480 --> 00:15:33,320 Don't like it when you laugh at me. 270 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:35,320 HE LAUGHS 271 00:15:35,320 --> 00:15:38,560 I might not look it but I'm actually quite sensitive. 272 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:41,000 Highams Park! 273 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,760 Highams Park! 274 00:15:44,920 --> 00:15:48,640 - Some Milk Tray, a plant and a Now album. - Oh, very nice. 275 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,760 Well, it's not every day she's 60. What you got her? 276 00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:55,640 - Ah, not much, you know. - Nice motor. - Thanks. 277 00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:01,520 Yeah, just some bits and pieces to keep her busy. 278 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,360 It looks more than it is. 279 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,000 All these are for my mum? 280 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:10,800 Erm... 281 00:16:10,800 --> 00:16:12,560 Did you like your presents? 282 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:14,800 Yes, of course, they're lovely. 283 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:16,760 Hm. 284 00:16:16,760 --> 00:16:18,720 I was going to make one of Dave 285 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:22,360 but I thought it might be weird because he's dead. 286 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:23,800 Yeah. 287 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:28,920 You OK, love? 288 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:35,200 We're like best friends, aren't we? 289 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:39,640 Well, not like friends, but, like... I'm in love with you? 290 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:42,800 - OK. - Because you know age doesn't matter. 291 00:16:42,800 --> 00:16:44,440 But it does, obviously, 292 00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:48,160 cos no-one's going to give a job to a baby or an old person. 293 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,520 Do you want to talk about something? 294 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:52,280 SHE SIGHS HEAVILY 295 00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,560 I've just got all of these thoughts. 296 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:58,360 I'm not very good at, like, turning them into, like... 297 00:16:58,360 --> 00:16:59,960 It's OK, love. 298 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:06,040 - No, no, but look at it like this - you open the boot... - Yeah. 299 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:09,600 - ..and you're saying you've got presents for my mum. - Yeah. 300 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:13,200 And I'm like, "There's about 20 in there." That one's massive! 301 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:14,600 Yeah, no... 302 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:19,680 - I can see why you... - It's a bit weird, Michael, even for you. 303 00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:21,200 No. 304 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:23,320 These are for MY mum. 305 00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:30,800 Her fingers aren't as good any more so I wrap up her presents for her. 306 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:36,560 - OK. - Yeah, no, they're not for YOUR mum, they're for MY mum. 307 00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:38,760 These are for her great-grandchildren, 308 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:40,320 my niece's kids. 309 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,760 HE LAUGHS 310 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:49,160 Oh, I see! 311 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:51,880 Oh, I get it now. Sorry, mate. 312 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,480 This... 313 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:58,440 This is for your mum. Nice bottle of wine and, er... 314 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:01,120 - Is that white? - Yeah. 315 00:18:01,120 --> 00:18:03,320 - Oh, yeah, she'll like that. - Good. 316 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,720 And, er... 317 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,880 Yeah, that's about it. 318 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:11,120 - Do you want me to take that in and give it to her? - No, it's all right. 319 00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:16,160 Sorry about that, mate. 320 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:18,560 That's funny, that, innit? 321 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:20,040 Yeah. 322 00:18:20,040 --> 00:18:22,800 That's going to make me chuckle, that is. 323 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:26,920 That's like a classic misunderstanding. 324 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:28,600 Yeah. 325 00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,640 But it's going to be so hard for you when you don't have me and Jason 326 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,200 here to look after you. 327 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:49,320 Oh, I guess I'll just sit in the garden, watch whatever telly I like. 328 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:53,400 It's just going to be so, so quiet. 329 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,960 - Is it? - Yeah. 330 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:59,320 Cos me and Jason, we've, like, got each other. 331 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,960 We, like, sleep together. 332 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,040 We have sex. 333 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:05,560 I've noticed. 334 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:07,280 He's really good at it. 335 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,920 I bet he gets that off you, doesn't he? 336 00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:13,720 - I bet you were really thorough back in the day. - Go and get ready, love. 337 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,600 I think it's very exciting that you and Jason are getting your own 338 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:20,120 place - and you don't need to worry about me at all, I'll be fine. 339 00:19:20,120 --> 00:19:23,280 - Kelly, you ready? - But I do worry about you, though. 340 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:26,760 I think about you even when I'm thinking about other things. 341 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:29,560 - Thanks. - You don't have to thank me, Cathy. 342 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,080 - I do it because I love you. - Kelly. 343 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:36,240 I was just telling your mum about how empty her life's going to be 344 00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:37,840 when we move out... 345 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:41,960 CONVERSATION CARRIES ON INDISTINCTLY 346 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:53,960 She works in Sainsbury's? 347 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:57,040 Yeah, she's been working there for a year or something. 348 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:00,880 Does she get a discount? 349 00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:03,240 WHISPERING: That's what I've been wanting to ask her. 350 00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:05,600 - You all right? - No, good, love, yeah, yeah. 351 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,200 I just need to get my make-up. 352 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:08,920 Let me get that for you. 353 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:11,160 Oh, thanks. 354 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,960 - Thank you. - You don't need make-up. 355 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,880 You're beautiful just as you are. 356 00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:18,360 Oh. 357 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:20,920 Wow. 358 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,000 Thank you. 359 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:26,760 Thanks, Reg. 360 00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,760 I'll get a discount if it fucking kills me. 361 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:37,840 There he is. Everything sorted? 362 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:40,480 Let's have a look at all these presents, then. 363 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,920 - Happy birthday. - Oh. 364 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,000 Ooh, thank you. 365 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,760 Wonder what this is. 366 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,240 - Like I said, it's nothing, really. - Thanks. 367 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:55,920 That's-that's-that's... really very nice. 368 00:20:58,840 --> 00:21:01,160 Yeah, well, that's everything, so... 369 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,640 No, really, that's everything. 370 00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:09,200 Oh, OK. 371 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,760 - Open it, it's white. - Yeah. Yeah. 372 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:19,960 Ooh, yes, white. 373 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,880 My favourite. 374 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:24,320 Good. I didn't want to go overboard. 375 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:26,520 No, no, absolutely. No. 376 00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:30,000 That's very kind of you. Thanks, Michael. 377 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:34,280 Yeah, well, I'll, uh, use your loo again. It's my age. 378 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:37,560 - And I'll see you at the carvery? - Yeah. 379 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:40,960 - Thanks, that's-that's really very nice. - Yeah. 380 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:48,240 - You ready, Mum? - Nearly, yeah. Um... 381 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,760 I love the Happy Birthday song, don't you? 382 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,680 Yeah, it's catchy. 383 00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:00,960 - Have I told you about my stick? - You have, yes. 384 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,680 I think I might go back to the park and get another one. 385 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:08,920 - SHE CHUCKLES - How funny. 386 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:11,520 I've just had another text from Rosalind Hampton-Jones. 387 00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:14,920 Oh, OK. 388 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,800 Her husband's a banker. Her eldest is a lawyer 389 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,600 and her youngest made a fortune out of payday loans. 390 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:23,160 They sound like a lovely bunch of people. 391 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:26,800 So...Jason and Kelly are moving out? 392 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:30,640 Yes. Well, they've started to look, so... 393 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:32,920 That'll be a kick in the teeth! 394 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,200 - Well... - There's nothing like the sound of a house 395 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:39,040 when you're the only person in it. 396 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:45,160 - Can I, uh...? - Yes, help yourself. 397 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,880 ..we could live on a houseboat. 398 00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:53,440 We're not living on a houseboat. 399 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,760 - HE LAUGHS - You're so funny, babe. 400 00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,520 No, but, seriously, babe - I'm not living on a houseboat. 401 00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:06,560 - I was just telling Kelly about it. I went to his car... - Right. 402 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:09,280 ..and Michael was like, "I'll get your mum's present," 403 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:12,520 and I looked in his boot and it was full of presents! 404 00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:16,000 There were tonnes in there! And I was like, "What?!" 405 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:19,760 - His boot was full of presents? - Yeah! - How funny. 406 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,640 He had loads of presents in there. I thought they were for you. 407 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:27,600 - Are you telling her about Michael? - Yeah. 408 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:31,040 And he was like, "No, they're for my mum to give to her grandkids," 409 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:33,640 - or something, wasn't it? - Yeah! 410 00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:37,000 And I was like, "Classic misunderstanding." 411 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:40,480 - And they were wrapped in what? - Just birthday wrapping paper. 412 00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:42,600 - Funny. - Yeah! 413 00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:50,120 - You find your phone? - Yeah. It was in my hand! - Oh! 414 00:23:50,120 --> 00:23:51,800 - You coming? - Yeah. 415 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:53,880 No, just give me a minute. 416 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:58,840 - You done your WhatsApps? - No, and I got another one. 417 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:00,400 Babe, I know you've got loads. 418 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,640 - I've got nine now. - You've got loads of them. 419 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:06,400 Jason, mate, you coming in my car? 420 00:24:10,680 --> 00:24:14,320 - All done? - Yeah. Should do me for the next five minutes or so. 421 00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:17,160 - You should look into nappies. - I'm wearing one. 422 00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:20,080 Handy for journeys but I can't stand the chafing. 423 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:23,600 Erm... 424 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:26,640 Maybe I could come in your car? 425 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:28,640 Pardon? 426 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,560 Can I get a lift in your car? 427 00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:33,640 Really? 428 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:35,080 Yeah. 429 00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,080 OK. 430 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:39,880 Is that a problem? 431 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,200 - No. No, of course not. - Good. 432 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,920 OK if I put something in your boot? 433 00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:51,520 Pardon? 434 00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:53,160 Can I put something in your boot? 435 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,360 - My boot? - Yeah. 436 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,920 Yeah, of course. Yeah. 437 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:03,640 Oh... 438 00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:07,120 No. No, boot's wet. 439 00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:09,440 - Boot's wet? - Mm. 440 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,320 Left it open last night. 441 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,320 Can I have a look? 442 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,240 Nah, it's too wet. 443 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,520 Wow, that's wet. 444 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,560 Well, it's not too wet, but... 445 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:23,680 I mean, that's a really wet boot. I mean, too wet to even look at. 446 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,400 - No, it's not too wet to look at. - No? 447 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,960 - No. - Why'd you leave your boot open all night? 448 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:32,520 Why do you need to look in my boot? 449 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:38,000 450 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:41,160 451 00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:44,640 452 00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:48,640 453 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:50,400 454 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,960 455 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,720 456 00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:57,480 457 00:25:57,480 --> 00:26:00,480 458 00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:03,520 ? You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. ? 459 00:26:03,570 --> 00:26:08,120 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0